my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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