You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
