so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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