I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
