just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize