i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
