the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
