Jerry, you need to find god
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
