I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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