whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
