i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
