I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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