there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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