i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Enjoy the penises
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
