she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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