do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
