we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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