and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
