i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
