Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sarcasm needs its own font
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
