I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
