i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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