Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
