I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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