No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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