you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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