Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
