I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
