I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
