why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
