he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
