You just made me feel so damn special
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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