It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize