What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think I just sharted jello shots
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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