the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i believe in u and ur pee
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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