Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
sex in a hospital.. check
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
