Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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