You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
