it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
How's work?
Spinning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So much rum. So many feels.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
