I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
