Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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