dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
