I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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