They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize