this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
