Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
ttyl tear gas
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
