Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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