I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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