Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
