So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
jump out the window naked night went bad
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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