Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
