did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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