there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
