You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
