First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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