i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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