Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
