Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
