well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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