Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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