please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
