I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
