Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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