I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
