I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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