..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
