She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
