Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
MIDGETS
????
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
