I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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