I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
