...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
