apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
