I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
