your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
