Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
